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Humans require several basic needs: food, water, shelter, and support. The support piece is open-ended. This could mean a solid job, good medical care, a network of understanding people, or a combination of any of the above.
In a way, support is one of the hardest needs to obtain. It takes a lot of effort – especially when it comes to the people in your life.
There is a set of folks that you’re born into and another that you meet and surround yourself with as time progresses.
Your biological family can certainly be a source of stability, providing unconditional love and nurturing. They may be the first people you tell your good news. They may be your biggest cheerleader. They are there for you through thick and thin.
Your constructed ‘family’ may consist of friends, significant others, and mentors. They are people you chose to be in your life, presumably because they bring out the best in you. They perhaps push you to pursue new things and boost your sense of being. They also should be there through thick and thin.
Enter a toxic personality. Someone who emotionally drains you. Someone who is oblivious to their negative impact and instead, only cares about being the center of attention, the star, the person who is always right. No matter your best efforts, a toxic person critiques if you haven’t met their standards. They try everything in their power to diminish your successes, and more often than not, pretend they don’t notice them in the first place.
You’re left questioning. You question your decisions, your path, your values. You begin feeling like you’re not worthy of respect. Maybe you’re the one that needs to shift expectations?
Stop.
Stop letting the poison infiltrate. Stop allowing this person to have this impact. It’s time to create a barrier around yourself and be explicit about your decision.
Try the following, “I have decided to do this, and unless you’re going to be supportive, I don’t want to hear your thoughts.”
Or
“I am doing things to positively impact my home. I don’t want your opinion.”
These types of statements can be hard at first, especially if the person is very close to you. However, self-care is extremely important when the toxicity is deep. Outside of completely cutting them out of your life, which may not always be viable, they need to realize that you will no longer be tolerating the behavior.
At this point, they can choose to change or walk away. If they’re a true supporter, they’ll work hard to eventually gain your respect and be respectful in return. But regardless of their decision, you are left in-tact and strong.
A detox is critical for the soul.
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